There's a doctor in the house, so be quiet. It's Dr. Firth, and I get
paid more than you. I shall answer your questions no matter how
worthless they are.

Letter from Wanda:

Do champions use drugs?

Wanda,
listen to me very carefully. I'm not only a doctor, but also a
scientist, and I have a fair amount of darts trophies - which makes me
a champion of sorts, wouldn't you agree? (please don't respond to that,
I don't waste time on follow ups).

Most of my life I've been
chasing the dragon, and I think I'm gaining on him. He was last seen in
Huddersfield. So my answer is probably yes, but it's a narrow yes,
surrounded by possible uncertainty. I have recently been developing a
new drug that may actually help people win the lottery. This would
usher in a whole new era of drug-taking champions, but also may
de-value the pound I've been told. However it was an armchair economist
that told me that so I'm not 100%. I realise you may not have
understood all my doctory jargon there, so my short answer is a
capitalised YES.

• January Jones says: I have been
  addicted to other peoples' test results for a few years now. Sure, it
  can be an inconvenience at times, but apart from that I have
  experienced no negative side effects.
• Kelvin in Otley says: I started writing a book once, but never got around to finishing it.

- Thanks chaps.

Letter from Keith Braggit:

Last night I dreamt I was a
slave in a Colombian brothel. Is there any drug I can take to dream the
exact same thing tonight? I feel I have unfinished business there.

Keith,
I would usually recommend every drug I know of, regardless of negative
side effects or whether they would work, but in this case I would
advise you to stay sober. My best advise would be to get a ticket to
Colombia and find that brothel. You may end up walking into the
greatest opportunity of your life. You weren't very specific in your
question but I think I know what you're talking about.

Letter from a Staffordshire Lad:

I took a boatload of old drugs I found, and dreamt up the idea of "tinned sandwiches". Do you think I should take this idea on Dragons' Den or just try and raise the money myself?

Well
lad, your first mistake was telling me, because I'm a patent whore. I'm
also a patient whore, and sit for hours not selling myself, but
allowing myself to sell itself without advertisement. Have I confused
you? Of course I have, because I'm a doctor, and I've just patented the
greatest idea you've ever had.



:D :D :D Hahaa***

Meeldib! 6