There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her fooling around with someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys, and started browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.

He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the voodoo dildo."
"So what's up with the voodoo dildo?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symobls. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo.

The businessman laughed and said "Big deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dildo, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vitrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dildo get back in your box!" The voodoo dildo stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" the businessman exclaimed.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finally surrendered to 700 dollars cash. The guy took it home to his wife, and told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dildo, my vagina." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then remembered the voodoo dildo. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dildo, my vagina!" The voodoo dildo shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off.

So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car, and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dildo was stuck in her vagina, and wouldn't stop screwing.

The officer looked at her for a second and then said with a scorn "Yea right...voodoo dildo, my ass!"

Meeldib! 1